Speeding Through All The Wrong Places
This weekend while my youngest daughter, Joy, and I were heading down the interstate, we ran into construction. It was a beautiful day and we were not in a hurry, so we were taking our time. Since Joy will be of driving age next year, I find that it is very important to follow the driving laws and make sure that I explain things as we drive along. As we drove into the construction zone, I reviewed the signs, the speed limit and explained the importance of taking our time and not allowing others to rush us, which could result in potentially hitting a construction worker or receiving a hefty speeding ticket.
About that time a big white SUV drove up behind us and appeared not to like our speed. Because it was riding my bumper, I pointed out to Joy that this could lead to a serious accident, road rage and that I needed to get over. I explained this as I sped up from 45 to 50 in order to get ahead of the car next to me. I also told Joy it made me nervous to speed up in the construction zone since I didn’t want a ticket. I was able to move over quickly and the white SUV sped by us and continued to pick up speed. Once again, using this as a learning tool I explained to Joy that this person was being reckless by ignoring the rules, and the end result could be bad for this driver. Well, don’t you know that I could not have asked for a better ending: about a mile up the road, low and behold there was a State Trooper who got the white SUV. The whole incident reminded me of how the same is true in life and grief.
People who lose a loved one try hard to keep busy by rush through the grief. They refuse to give themselves permission to walk through the grief and instead try to ignore it by staying busy. The people who try to ignore and rush through their grief are the people that call me in crisis because the grief finally caught up with them. You can’t hide from the pain of grief, and that is why people try to keep busy so that they don’t have to feel the loneliness and pain. It is not that easy folks.
In the GRP, we stress that “keeping busy buries the pain of the loss under an avalanche of activity. No matter how busy you stay, at the end of the day, there’s still a hole in your heart and it is exhausting.” GRP also recognizes the most dangerous consequence of keeping busy and trying to rush through the pain is the idea that is will make you feel better. I can guarantee you that the driver of the SUV was not feeling better about intimidating vehicles when the driver received that ticket. Rushing through to get to the other side only leaves the door open for more negative consequences. This misinformation makes it much harder to move through grief and come out on the other side a stronger and more confident person with direction.
The moral of grief is to slow down, take your time and deal with the pain while walking through with someone by your side that will be there to hold you up when the waves are slapping you down. In the end you will not be drowning in grief but instead be able to breath and feel safe.
So do you have a story about speeding through your grief? If so please share your story.
